You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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