I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
