tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
