how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
