According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
