We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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