Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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