My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Operation Purity has been aborted
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
