I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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