College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
