upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We got so high we made milksteak
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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