I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
