By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
