So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
