I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
