Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
