Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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