so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
