im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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