she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
