First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
