apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Holy shit dude........stairs
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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