Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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