you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
