**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
