You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
