You smell like a Billy Joel song
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
