Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
