I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
