Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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