Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
