dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
