His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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