if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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