Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
