Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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