chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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