I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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