We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
