god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
