fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
