There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
