Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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