He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
