this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
