the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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