the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
