Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
