I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
