I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
